April 13, 2011

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

A beautiful day for a neighbor, would you...just drop dead you cheap-ass, whiny diva?

Yep, spring is here, so that means the annual bitch and moan fest is taking shape.  See, I have been Chair of a neighborhood committee that is responsible for our swim/tennis property. I've been on this committee for, I don't know, FIVE MILLION YEARS or something.  Trust me, I don't do it for my own ego.  Just like every neighborhood in the world that has an Association, people generally hate us invisible Board or Committee members who force them to behave responsibly.  I know, right?  Go figure.

Anyway, we have two tennis courts, one of which is buckling because of a nearby tree whose roots have grown under the court area and broke through the surface during the few years of drought the Southeast went through.

This facility is cost-shared between us and another neighborhood less than 1/4 mile away, with combined homes of about 165 (not all of whom pay because just like everywhere else we've had plenty of people losing their jobs and either fighting off or heading headlong into foreclosure).  Along with the tennis courts comes a nice-sized clubhouse (great room, tiny kitchenette, exercise room and his and hers bathrooms with sinks, toilets and showers), and a swimming pool with a 3-room little building to house the pump room and his and hers bathrooms with sinks, toilets and showers.  Next time you're at a public pool, look around at what's there for you.  Toilet paper and paper towel in the bathrooms.  Trash cans with bags.  Water in the (clean because the county inspects us every year to the tune of $350) pool. Pool furniture (chairs, loungers, tables, umbrellas) that's not falling apart.  Gas grills so you can picnic.  Cut grass.  Pleasant foliage.  No ants.  You see where I'm going here?  Maintaining all that stuff ain't cheap.  Each home pays about $200 per year towards our operating budget (which is probably about half of what we all pay our neighborhood Associations in dues).  We've managed to survive each season fine if nothing significant breaks.  We were even so tight with spending for several years, we've managed to save up the money to replace the heat/air in the clubhouse when we need to which will probably be soon because that unit was installed around 1987.  We haven't asked for more money from the two neighborhoods in like ten years. Because we can make do.

But we can't fix that tennis court.  Because we've priced it.  And it will cost close to $50,000 to get rid of that tree and replace the entire court area.  [And that assumes we could even get permission to remove the stupid tree because apparently there is a teeny, tiny stream back there that some government dildo has designated a wetland and, therefore, protected.]  Since out of 165 homes I can count on one hand the actual tennis court users - all three of them -  I'm thinking we won't get approval for an extra $330 per household to fix the stupid courts.  While I know "one should never assume", I do believe I'm correct on this issue.  We've got one good court.  Use it and like it, 'kay?

So, lady who came up my driveway without notice and said, "Every time we use the tennis courts the net is sagging and we have to re-tighten it.  We don't mind doing it, but could you maybe consider taking some money off of our dues for us doing that?"  Really lady, are you fucking kidding me?


Start paying me for doing this stupid job and maybe I'll start to give a shit.  Until then, you can get off my property.  And on your way back down my driveway, kiss my lumpy, white ass.


Sherri said...

you go sister!!! LOL people are amazing aren't they? always looking for the something for nothing deals...

Bethany said...

Oh no she DIDN'T! I am speechless. Really!

Anne P said...

Sherri, I am so often disappointed in the behavior of my fellow man. Honestly.

Oh she did Bethany, she did. Stunning, huh?